Tuesday, May 10, 2011

With our luck it only comes in thousand dong notes.

Monday, January 31, 2011


Today I'd like to talk about a simple, yet mildly addictive game that proves a previous point, "Vanquish".  For those who don't know, Vanquish is a fast moving, third person shooter where you are wearing an advanced suit of armor with a rocket on it and wielding a multi-tool like gun.  An inaccurate description, I know, but simple enough. The point is that the whole game happens very fast and moves quickly.  Imagine playing Halo while your game system is hopped up on speed.

Anyway, while a lot of people complained about it's short game time of 6 hours (which I don't find too problematic, since I only payed $30 for it) and also railed on it's supposed simplicity, I think that those make it a decent game.  It's what I call a cleanser.  It's a game I can pop in, play for half an hour to an hour, and it makes me feel more relaxed.  Like Army of Two.

The point is a simple one and it is this: I used to relax and play through several hours of RP games and now I find myself more enthralled and having much more fun playing Vanquish which, if anything, is the exact opposite of a standard RPG.  It's fast, violent, crazy, and fairly story-shallow despite it's political-ish story driving the whole thing.

Bulletstorm is another good example of this. It moves fast, however you do need to think.  Except it's only about how to kill people violently and hilariously.  Methinks I'll have to try and snag Mass Effect 2 and see if it holds my favor or not.  Honestly, though given it's combat, it's still a shooter, really.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

What Happened to Me?

I remember sitting down to Chrono Cross for a 15 hour session and thoroughly enjoying every second of it.  I remember the feeling when you discovered Tidus was just a dream.  I remember the joys of knowing that I'd cleared the FoW and mapped 100% of an area on Star Ocean.  Suddenly, I find myself unable to play a RPG for any great length of time.  Even a couple of hours begins to grate on me.

Shooting games however?  I can dive neck deep in Vanquish.  I can spend hours conquering the Covenant.  I can spend whole days running and rerunning Army of Two and Borderlands.  So, what happened?  Am I a product of the times?  As stimulus has increased and moved faster and faster, I need my entertainment to do the same to compensate?  Or, has my brain somehow malfunctioned and I now require a lesser amount of game to make me satisfied?

Maybe Mass Effect 2 will help.  It's a huge RPG... but you also spend a great deal of time shooting your way through things.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Slo-mo is bullshit.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand brings new meaning to the overuse of CGI (especially on blood) and the overuse of slo-mo (like every time a weapon moves). Why the fuck is Slo-mo so goddamn trendy now in action things? In the Matrix, it was an interesting mechanic for illustrating the bullet-dodge (at first), but since then...

 I mean I saw this one copish action flick and every time someone fired a bullet time nearly freakin stopped.  It's just retarded.  Yes, they're fighting.  Yes it's impressive.  But I don't need to see one split-second punch stretched out over the course of a minute or two.  Maybe if it's the extra-dramatic ending punch where the hero becomes the victor.  Then, sure.

I'm also left wondering how long some of these movies would be without the slo-mo and if maybe it's just a lazy-ass way to extend the play-length.

Monday, January 17, 2011

New Job, New Hassles

So, got a new job. Inbound IT tech support.  Seems like the only major problem I have is that I'm supposed to be empathetic.  How can you be empathetic about someone's TV not working?  Sure, if they're old and don't happen to do anything BUT watch TV, but c'mon!  Some dude is watching TV and wants to freak out because it's not working this second?  It's a little over the top, I think...  Either way, I find it hard to empathize with them and it's hurting my scores because of it.  Conservatively, I think I might just blame it on elves or something.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Origin of Thanksgiving (2010)

For those of you who have only known me for a short time, I usually do a mass text to all my friends of the Insane Origins of a holiday as I believe them to be at that exact time (The origin may change yearly). So, I've decided to do it as a facebook note this time.  I give you:

The Origin of Thanksgiving (2010)

A long, long time ago in a place far, far away (unless you live in Massachusetts, or Newfoundland for our Canadian friends).

The story goes that a group of dumbass Pilgrims got blitzed by a fast-coming winter and got their asses saved by some Indians (or Native-Americans if you wanna be anal about it).  But the truth is much, much more important.  Long ago in the Far off planet of Vestibule, there lived a race of hairy beings known as Klaatu (points for those who know where I stole that from).  Unfortunately, some of the children were born smaller and hairless due to some radioactive corn or something.  These were known as Pilgrims (which in their language meant hairless freaks).  The Pilgrims got tired of freezing their asses off and left the Planet... Whatever-the-hell-I-called-it-before to find somewhere better.  While trying to find the nearby 7-11 to enjoy some Slurpees, they got lost off the I-90 and crashed into a heap of a planet called Dirt (or Earth as it was locally known).

There they resorted to cannibalism and ate Dave cause he was kind of a whiner.  He was pretty tasty.  Kind of a flavorful taste that's you feel bad about washing down but have to eventually.  When they were done, they chucked his remains into the woods which pissed off the Native Americans since they chose not to use all of his body.  As an aside, does this mean that Karl and Ilse Koch were just following the Native American philosophy?  I'll give you a minute to google them... Done?  Good.  Now some of you think I went too far in asking that question.

Anyway, back to the story.  A long and bloody battle ensued between the Wampanoag and the Pilgrims ensued.  However after about 15 minutes they all realized no one brought any weapons, so they resolved to Duct-taping sharpened sticks to woodchucks and letting them battle it out in an arena.  Yes.  I lied when I said the battle was long and bloody. Shut up.  After the hard-won victory of Mister Fuzzy-britches over the savages' warrior, Tingles, The Pilgrims proposed peace and offered up a nice meal of leftover Dave.  And, if you want, you can insert something racist happening the next day to explain Black Friday.  I'm cool with that.

And that's how babies are born... No, wait... OK... What story was I supposed to be telling again?!  OH, THAT'S SICK, Brandi!!  Geezus...


Sunday, November 21, 2010

been a bit

Been a little bit since I posted anything, but I just wanted to say hello.